Fighting with myself

Believe it or not, these days I feel that i should fight with myself.

Because it seems that lazyness has occupied my mind. 

yeah, I can blame other things or make excuses for it. But, i realise that it is me, my self that cannot organise my time well.

_____
Honestly, I am currently at the stage of struggling with my research planning and progress.

I have two supervisors that are very nice and full of encouragement. I am feel sorry for them, because my progress is still left behind. They are always kindly support me to deal with everything.
_____

Now, the time is limited. And many things to be done.

Bismillah...

No more "I will do it later"
No more too much thinking and thinking and thinking.

just write it done now, right now.

:D :D :D

I can do it. insya Allah.
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Dear Allah, please help me to deal with these all.
I beg you for the whole of my life.
______

And of course, I have a very happy life here, with my lovely wife and sons. 
Don't know what to do if they are not here :D

Thank you :D

Rindu

 Ah....

Hanya berpisah jarak antara rumah, sekolah dan kampus.

tapi rindunya kagak nahan.

Mungkin karena banyak waktu yang 2 bulan ini dihabiskan bersama dengan mereka.

love them so much. Alhamdulillah.

Semoga jadi anak-anak yang sehat dan sholeh

Roda Padati

"It is always challenging."

"Yes, life is often like that. Perhaps not for everyone."

"Joys and happiness,"

"Sadness and overwhelming emotions,"

"Enthusiasm and strength,"

"Uninspired and laziness,"

"All of these will come and go in countless cycles." Like a roda padati yang sedang berputar

"What makes it different for one person from another is how they deal with it."

"As for me, I have failed many times in managing it well."

"I don't know the exact or better way to deal with it."

"I always try to keep going and to accept myself. I feel very sad after making a mistake in handling these emotions because it also affects the people around me."

pull your self together, Jho

Yes the tittle is a phrase used by people to express that one have to concentrate himself to refocus and keep calm on doing the progress. (For the exact meaning just googling it or ask chatGPT).

The first week of october about to end, and I still make a very slow progress. I need to uplift my motivation and push myself to start and consistently doing the writing. 

Alhamdulillah it is chapter 3 now, but the previous two chapters are not final yet. Many parts of it need to be revised, adjusted or even replaced with a more proper writing.

I have to fight my feeling of laziness. And the best way to do it is by start typing the first sentence. And Bismillah. I will do it now.

..........

Story of the "lovely" Before-Supervisory meeting 8

  Alhamdulillah, the 8th meeting went well. As usual, I had a hard time before the D-Day. As I mentioned on my social media, I even spent 3 days and 2 nights on campus. No, it's not because I didn't prepare earlier. I made sure to start preparing early for this meeting. But preparing a PhD research proposal in this academic atmosphere is not easy.

Despite the struggle, Allah always exists and always helps me,

Dear Uda, Adek, and my prospective heirs.
Never let Allah go from your life's journey. Always hold on to Him. Trust me.

In the past few days, I have been facing many challenges. I've been experiencing headaches with the combank app, which I can't access. I tried calling the provided hotline and even went to the branch, but it still doesn't work. I am unable to access what I need on the app.

I planned to transfer money for BUPA OSHC two days before the deadline. In the middle of the night, I tried to make the payment, but something unexpected happened. The bill payment website stated that there is a limitation on transferring the money and I needed to upgrade the limit. I'm not sure yet if I should upgrade it in my bank app or contact the web admin of the bill. If it's the former, then I still have trouble accessing it.

Today is the deadline, and after this day, the payment amount will increase. I can't imagine what I would do if that happens. Where would I find more money to cover the bill? If I have to go to the bank branch and the insurance office, it will reduce my time to prepare for the afternoon meeting. I was extremely frustrated last night, but I kept my spirits up. I took a deep breath and tried again to solve the app issue by following the steps given on the bank website. By the decree of Allah, it worked. Allahu akbar! I don't know why, but I had tried implementing the exact same steps several times this week and it didn't work. But suddenly, in the middle of the night, when I didn't know what to do, I put my full faith in Allah, and a miracle happened. Now I can access the app.

However, the problem is not yet resolved. I sent an email to the insurance campus representative. I know it was impolite to send an email in the middle of the night, but I wanted to make sure the admin would see my email and provide advice regarding the payment issue. Interestingly, the admin replied to my email in the morning and said that I could simply split the amount of money stated on the bill to match the transfer limit. Alhamdulillah, it was solved, and I managed to transfer the money. I am grateful that I will not have to pay the increased update fee.

Then... suddenly, my landlord came to the house. Finally, I could tell him about my plan to leave the house at the end of next month. I was a bit confused about how to properly communicate it to him. But Allah made a way for me, and he seemed to be okay with it and even gave me some advice on finding a new unit for my family. He's a good landlord. Thank you, Allah.

Then... the only problem remaining on my mind this morning was the preparation for the supervisory meeting. I still needed to revise the first chapter, but I didn't have enough time. Alhamdulillah, I managed to revise the important parts.

And tadaaa! The meeting went well. The supervisor helped me a lot. Of course, there are many revisions required, and some of the feedback will surely take up most of my time. But I enjoyed today's meeting, Alhamdulillah. Allah helped me again, and the one-hour meeting is now over.

Oh yes, I also managed to inform my supervisor about my plan to return to Indonesia next August to bring my family to Melbourne. Surprisingly, both supervisors were okay with it and had no concerns. Their only concern is about my proposal, so as long as the meeting and progress continue as usual, "We can still have the meeting online, only the time and location will be different," she said.

Alhamdulillah.

Now it depends on the visa and also the money (and the house, of course).

Bismillah.

No matter what, I must find a unit for August 2023. Insha Allah.

Please help me, O Lord.

health, thesis, preparation for the family coming

 Okay,

I am truly grateful for my accomplishments, although I recognize that there are still many aspects that need improvement. I am currently struggling to maintain my focus on achieving my writing goals, but it is much better than the previous week.

I have discovered a better approach to reading and writing, but I require more intrinsic motivation to increase my writing speed. I believe I can successfully complete it. 

Over the past two days, my mind has been preoccupied with finding ways to establish healthier habits that align with the routine of a PhD student, as well as my daily religious practices. Additionally, I am facing challenges in managing my time for other thesis-related tasks, such as preparing to bring my family from Indonesia to Melbourne.

Ah... contemplating these matters—health, thesis, and the preparations to bring my family to Australia—gives me headaches and mood swings. Nevertheless, at this stage, I have chosen to prioritize my thesis. By making significant progress on it, I believe I can improve in other areas as well. Insha Allah.

Each PhD STudents has unique journey

 Yesterday, one of my friends told me not to worry too much about other people's achievements or progress. Each of us has our own journey, which is meant to be unique and different from others. While we can use others' progress as a reference or benchmark, we shouldn't let it bring us down or make us feel left behind.

Recently, my fellow PhD students at Deakin also gave me advice on not getting burdened by comparing my own progress to that of others. This discussion arose when I felt slightly disturbed by some of my PhD colleagues who seemed to have more free time for conversations and other activities, creating a higher level of noise in our usually quiet office. They would chat about various topics and engage in leisurely conversations, making me wonder, "When are they finding the time to work on their colloquium document? Am I the only new student struggling to write my proposal, with limited time before the approaching deadline? Am I lacking intelligence, resulting in my time being consumed entirely by proposal-related tasks?"

However, as my friends reassured me, this may simply be because those colleagues are still newcomers. They encouraged me to reflect on my own first month, and upon doing so, I realized that it was indeed a more relaxed period.

In conclusion, it is important to recognize that each PhD student embarks on a unique journey that differs from one another. While the specifics may vary, we all encounter common experiences such as challenges, struggles, obstacles, mood swings, pain, and hardships.

However, amidst these shared difficulties, there is also a common thread of support, guidance, help, and love that prevails. These elements often manifest unexpectedly, serving as a light that comes from various directions. One thing is certain: this support and encouragement come from our beloved families, friends, and countless kind-hearted individuals out there. They play a vital role in our journey, offering their unwavering assistance and contributing to our growth and success.

Indeed, it is essential to acknowledge that in all of this, Allah the Almighty is the ultimate force behind our journey. His guidance, blessings, and mercy are what shape our paths and provide us with the strength to face the challenges and overcome the obstacles we encounter along the way.

The pain and struggle endured in making the efforts will outweigh the pain of regret that you may experience later on

________

As humans, we are aware of our limitations. Sometimes we feel incredibly positive and radiate positive vibes to those around us. However, there are other times when we feel upset and experience fluctuating moods. During these moments, we may become excessively negative individuals, prone to getting angry with others even over trivial matters. In some cases, the people we direct our anger towards are unaware of their mistakes.

In certain instances, we are capable of perceiving the world with an open mind, acknowledging our weaknesses without blaming ourselves. We are able to uplift our spirits and move forward after experiencing setbacks.

However, in other instances, we often view our mistakes as triggers that worsen our state. We struggle to transform adverse circumstances into opportunities for personal growth and improvement.

These observations are based on my own experiences as a human, but they may not necessarily apply universally to others.

So, how can we maintain a positive outlook and prevent our negative side from bringing us down? I am still in the process of discovering the best approach. However, I have come across a few strategies that may be helpful. Firstly, dedicating more time to worshiping and connecting with God. Additionally, identifying certain factors that can serve as motivations to steer us towards the right path.

It is important to note that these actions will not make the obstacles magically disappear. Nevertheless, believe me when I say that they will provide you with the strength necessary to face the challenges head-on and transform them into conquerable hurdles. Ultimately, the pain and struggle endured in making these efforts outweigh the pain of regret that you may experience later on.

okay. keep practice ronal

 I have a 7,5 for my IELTS score. I guess I got it 3 times.

Alhamdulillah.

But.... However.... nevertheless.... unfortunately.

I am still struggling with using English, especially for speaking and writing. 

Sometimes, I feel very insecure with other people around me. They are not native, but their English is so fluent. 

But yeah, when I manage to be here, in Melbourne, that means Allah Allows me to give my best effort to improve my English.

But the problem for an introverted person like me is although there is plenty of opportunity to practice speaking here, I rarely use it. I tend to be quiet and just busy with myself. The PhD by research means your circle will only be you and your supervisor; that's it. Actually, yeah, there are PhD group discussions, PhD students catch-up, workshop, dinner, and other leisure activity that will provide interaction among the PhD fellow. Still, none of them are mandatory for you. So, you can choose to attend and mingle with others or not. And you know me, right.. hehe. What will I choose?

Okeh.

I will write more in this blog. To practice my English. Hopefully, it is one way I can improve my active English.

O yaaa. You know, even right now, I draft this post in Grammarly. :D