A journey of a long battleship

Kadang ada fase bertempur dengan diri.
Ada masa penuh pemaksaan.
Ada jenak waktu perdamaian.

Tak jarang bermanja dengan pembiaran.

Bermain bersama diri hingga berujung pada kemalasan.

Pernah pula, fase-fase heroik

menggebu hingga to the max.

Pernah jua, berada di puncak produktivitas

dan tak jarang juga berada di titik nadir kenihilan progress.

Kadang kami bermesraan hingga semua tunai purna tuntas.

Penuh aura positif dan keharmonisan.

Namun apa pun itu...

Alhamdulillah.

This is my progress.

My lovely journey.

And I still in the progress of being better insya Allah.

Aamiin YRA

Bit by Bit

I continue to strive against my procrastination, giving my best effort. Alhamdulillah, sometimes I make progress, but at other times, I find myself stuck in thought.

Recently, however, I've adopted a philosophy inspired by observing my young son eating rice. He eats slowly, and when I urge him, "Rasyid, finish your rice!" he responds, "Ya, Bi. Ada adek makan kok." Remarkably, he eventually finishes. We call his approach to eating "bit by bit. sebiji demi sebiji". Despite its slow pace, he ultimately completes his meal.

This "bit by bit" approach prompted me to reflect on advice often given by my supervisor about progress. The emphasis is on moving forward, not waiting for perfection. Simply create a draft and refine it later. I realise that, in the process, we need Progress, not perfection, this is the key for me.

Therefore, I've learned to value any progress I've made. Though witnessing others' successes in achieving their goals can sometimes evoke feelings of insecurity, I remind myself that this mindset contradicts both my usual approach and the teachings of tarbiyah.

Tarbiyah teaches me to observe and reflect on others' struggles. It's essential not only to focus on success but also to take time to acknowledge those facing numerous challenges and difficulties in their lives. Reflecting on this, I feel deeply grateful to Allah. Alhamdulillah.

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A story from the library last night: Unintentionally, I sat across from a man who appeared Chinese, unaware that he was Indonesian until he answered a phone call in Bahasa Indonesia. He confided to the person on the other end about feeling stressed with his job. From what he shared, it seemed he was only involved in planting crops, likely working on a farm judging by his attire. 'Kamu tahu nggak, aku sedang stress nih dengan kerjaan. Sedikit stress sih, kerjaan ku itu nggak berat, hanya menanam-nanam gitu kan.....' Begitulah kurang lebih yang kudengar.

The reason I share this eavesdropped encounter is to remind myself never to compare my work with others'. It might seem easier for him, just tending to plants without the complexities of research, designing, writing, proposal revising and other 'thinking' responsibilities. However, we never truly understand someone else's situation.

So, it's crucial to be grateful for what you have and to continually strive to make progress, regardless of the circumstances.

Fighting with myself

Believe it or not, these days I feel that i should fight with myself.

Because it seems that lazyness has occupied my mind. 

yeah, I can blame other things or make excuses for it. But, i realise that it is me, my self that cannot organise my time well.

_____
Honestly, I am currently at the stage of struggling with my research planning and progress.

I have two supervisors that are very nice and full of encouragement. I am feel sorry for them, because my progress is still left behind. They are always kindly support me to deal with everything.
_____

Now, the time is limited. And many things to be done.

Bismillah...

No more "I will do it later"
No more too much thinking and thinking and thinking.

just write it done now, right now.

:D :D :D

I can do it. insya Allah.
______
Dear Allah, please help me to deal with these all.
I beg you for the whole of my life.
______

And of course, I have a very happy life here, with my lovely wife and sons. 
Don't know what to do if they are not here :D

Thank you :D

Notable Moments, Syukur Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah, it's been nearly two months since my family joined me here in Melbourne, specifically on November 14, 2023. Uda Aqsho has been attending NPPS and TPA Madania for about a month now. Alhamdulillah, we've achieved a lot, and all credit goes to Allah. I'm truly grateful for everything. We've faced various challenges together, and remarkably, we've managed to navigate them with joy

Some notable moments that I want to capture in this post are:

1. Adek Rasyid has started his preparatory school session at NPPS.

Actually, the school was supposed to begin for him next year, and we initially planned to enroll him closer to the commencement date. However, Allah guided us to expedite the process. His ways are always unpredictable. During a family gathering event, some friends discussed children and their schooling with Ummi. They suggested that we should start enrolling Rasyid early because schools sometimes have limited seats. At that time, I had intended to postpone it until I finished my revision (which seems to be an endless revision cycle :D), but Ummi was eager to do it as soon as possible. So, we went to the school with the required documents (which I had prepared following Uda Aqsho's documents).

Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar! The day we went to the school happened to be the last week before the "once a week" session started. Allahu Akbar. It turns out there are four sessions that parents and children who will join the preparatory school next year should attend. Alhamdulillah, we were able to be a part of it. Fortunately, Allah provided guidance through Ummi's friends. Thank you, Allah, and thank you to those kind-hearted people.

The enrollment process has been very easy and straightforward, Alhamdulillah.

2. Ummi has finally managed to secure a Letter of Acceptance (LOA) from Monash University and a scholarship from LPDP. 

This is a truly joyful moment after a long and challenging journey. Securing the LOA and scholarship is crucial for our family, as without these two things, we wouldn't know what to do. Honestly, up until now, we still don't have any other options. We literally don't know how Ummi would stay here in Melbourne without the scholarship and LOA.

Syukur Alhamdulillah. Thank you to everybody who has contributed to this achievement. May Allah reward you abundantly. Ameen YRA

3. Uda Aqsha was recognized as the best student for year 2 in this period.

One day this week, I picked up Uda Aqsha as usual. He approached me with his prestigious smile and showed me a card in his hand. The home-teacher had written appreciative words about Aqsha, highlighting his responsibility and hard work in completing all of his school assignments. I commended him for it and created an Instagram reel to document his reaction. Then, unexpectedly, Ummi connected with another Indonesian parent at NPPS who conveyed congratulations through WhatsApp. She mentioned that Aqsha was chosen as the best student for this period. Typically, there is an evaluation for each period, and the best students from each class are announced and recognized during the joint student meeting in the school hall.

Masha Allah, thank you, my diligent boy. I am reminded of the time when discussing school was a forbidden topic, even back in Indonesia because he didn't want to attend school in Melbourne. The period before starting school was a challenging and worrisome time for our family. On one hand, I felt compassion for Aqsha, who was about to face an unfamiliar school environment with limited English proficiency. However, Allah paved the way for His blessings. Since the first day, Aqsho has consistently gone to and from school with enthusiasm. Alhamdulillah.

Oh, there's a secret of Allah's love behind this achievement. Before this, Uda Aqsha participated in a class meeting activity at his school. He had put in effort but hadn't won yet. At home, Ummi said he was very sad, even to the point of tears, wondering why he never won any competitions. This was the case back when he was at Adzkia too, despite his sincere efforts. We comforted him, and it turns out Allah comforted him with this achievement. Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar.

And there's more to share; I will update you in future posts, insha Allah.

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Now, please keep me in your prayers as I strive to excel in my revision. The deadline is approaching."

Roda Padati

"It is always challenging."

"Yes, life is often like that. Perhaps not for everyone."

"Joys and happiness,"

"Sadness and overwhelming emotions,"

"Enthusiasm and strength,"

"Uninspired and laziness,"

"All of these will come and go in countless cycles." Like a roda padati yang sedang berputar

"What makes it different for one person from another is how they deal with it."

"As for me, I have failed many times in managing it well."

"I don't know the exact or better way to deal with it."

"I always try to keep going and to accept myself. I feel very sad after making a mistake in handling these emotions because it also affects the people around me."

Story of the "lovely" Before-Supervisory meeting 8

  Alhamdulillah, the 8th meeting went well. As usual, I had a hard time before the D-Day. As I mentioned on my social media, I even spent 3 days and 2 nights on campus. No, it's not because I didn't prepare earlier. I made sure to start preparing early for this meeting. But preparing a PhD research proposal in this academic atmosphere is not easy.

Despite the struggle, Allah always exists and always helps me,

Dear Uda, Adek, and my prospective heirs.
Never let Allah go from your life's journey. Always hold on to Him. Trust me.

In the past few days, I have been facing many challenges. I've been experiencing headaches with the combank app, which I can't access. I tried calling the provided hotline and even went to the branch, but it still doesn't work. I am unable to access what I need on the app.

I planned to transfer money for BUPA OSHC two days before the deadline. In the middle of the night, I tried to make the payment, but something unexpected happened. The bill payment website stated that there is a limitation on transferring the money and I needed to upgrade the limit. I'm not sure yet if I should upgrade it in my bank app or contact the web admin of the bill. If it's the former, then I still have trouble accessing it.

Today is the deadline, and after this day, the payment amount will increase. I can't imagine what I would do if that happens. Where would I find more money to cover the bill? If I have to go to the bank branch and the insurance office, it will reduce my time to prepare for the afternoon meeting. I was extremely frustrated last night, but I kept my spirits up. I took a deep breath and tried again to solve the app issue by following the steps given on the bank website. By the decree of Allah, it worked. Allahu akbar! I don't know why, but I had tried implementing the exact same steps several times this week and it didn't work. But suddenly, in the middle of the night, when I didn't know what to do, I put my full faith in Allah, and a miracle happened. Now I can access the app.

However, the problem is not yet resolved. I sent an email to the insurance campus representative. I know it was impolite to send an email in the middle of the night, but I wanted to make sure the admin would see my email and provide advice regarding the payment issue. Interestingly, the admin replied to my email in the morning and said that I could simply split the amount of money stated on the bill to match the transfer limit. Alhamdulillah, it was solved, and I managed to transfer the money. I am grateful that I will not have to pay the increased update fee.

Then... suddenly, my landlord came to the house. Finally, I could tell him about my plan to leave the house at the end of next month. I was a bit confused about how to properly communicate it to him. But Allah made a way for me, and he seemed to be okay with it and even gave me some advice on finding a new unit for my family. He's a good landlord. Thank you, Allah.

Then... the only problem remaining on my mind this morning was the preparation for the supervisory meeting. I still needed to revise the first chapter, but I didn't have enough time. Alhamdulillah, I managed to revise the important parts.

And tadaaa! The meeting went well. The supervisor helped me a lot. Of course, there are many revisions required, and some of the feedback will surely take up most of my time. But I enjoyed today's meeting, Alhamdulillah. Allah helped me again, and the one-hour meeting is now over.

Oh yes, I also managed to inform my supervisor about my plan to return to Indonesia next August to bring my family to Melbourne. Surprisingly, both supervisors were okay with it and had no concerns. Their only concern is about my proposal, so as long as the meeting and progress continue as usual, "We can still have the meeting online, only the time and location will be different," she said.

Alhamdulillah.

Now it depends on the visa and also the money (and the house, of course).

Bismillah.

No matter what, I must find a unit for August 2023. Insha Allah.

Please help me, O Lord.

health, thesis, preparation for the family coming

 Okay,

I am truly grateful for my accomplishments, although I recognize that there are still many aspects that need improvement. I am currently struggling to maintain my focus on achieving my writing goals, but it is much better than the previous week.

I have discovered a better approach to reading and writing, but I require more intrinsic motivation to increase my writing speed. I believe I can successfully complete it. 

Over the past two days, my mind has been preoccupied with finding ways to establish healthier habits that align with the routine of a PhD student, as well as my daily religious practices. Additionally, I am facing challenges in managing my time for other thesis-related tasks, such as preparing to bring my family from Indonesia to Melbourne.

Ah... contemplating these matters—health, thesis, and the preparations to bring my family to Australia—gives me headaches and mood swings. Nevertheless, at this stage, I have chosen to prioritize my thesis. By making significant progress on it, I believe I can improve in other areas as well. Insha Allah.

Each PhD STudents has unique journey

 Yesterday, one of my friends told me not to worry too much about other people's achievements or progress. Each of us has our own journey, which is meant to be unique and different from others. While we can use others' progress as a reference or benchmark, we shouldn't let it bring us down or make us feel left behind.

Recently, my fellow PhD students at Deakin also gave me advice on not getting burdened by comparing my own progress to that of others. This discussion arose when I felt slightly disturbed by some of my PhD colleagues who seemed to have more free time for conversations and other activities, creating a higher level of noise in our usually quiet office. They would chat about various topics and engage in leisurely conversations, making me wonder, "When are they finding the time to work on their colloquium document? Am I the only new student struggling to write my proposal, with limited time before the approaching deadline? Am I lacking intelligence, resulting in my time being consumed entirely by proposal-related tasks?"

However, as my friends reassured me, this may simply be because those colleagues are still newcomers. They encouraged me to reflect on my own first month, and upon doing so, I realized that it was indeed a more relaxed period.

In conclusion, it is important to recognize that each PhD student embarks on a unique journey that differs from one another. While the specifics may vary, we all encounter common experiences such as challenges, struggles, obstacles, mood swings, pain, and hardships.

However, amidst these shared difficulties, there is also a common thread of support, guidance, help, and love that prevails. These elements often manifest unexpectedly, serving as a light that comes from various directions. One thing is certain: this support and encouragement come from our beloved families, friends, and countless kind-hearted individuals out there. They play a vital role in our journey, offering their unwavering assistance and contributing to our growth and success.

Indeed, it is essential to acknowledge that in all of this, Allah the Almighty is the ultimate force behind our journey. His guidance, blessings, and mercy are what shape our paths and provide us with the strength to face the challenges and overcome the obstacles we encounter along the way.

complicated day

Today was a bit complicated for me.

I engaged in some self-reflection and focused on cultivating a positive mindset within myself. However, I arrived late at the campus due to a housing management inspection that required access to all rooms.

At my workstation, I noticed my fellow first-year Ph.D. students engaged in a lengthy conversation. I couldn't help but wonder how they found so much time to socialize.

These circumstances made me feel somewhat insecure. Was I being foolish for needing to put in extra effort to prepare the confirmation document while others seemed to have an abundance of leisure time to chat with one another?