The show must go on

 Alhamdulillah 

Sabtu dan ahad 2 dan 3 November 2024.

The show must go on. dan Alhamdulillah alla kulli hal.

___

and thank you my dear self for fighting until now.

Jangan menyerah ya. the battle is not finish yet. Many more to go. Keep the spirit up.

___

Alhamdulillah,

There is always a way that Allah will show us.

There are always good people around.

Help always comes, and even in the darkest times, there will always be someone to turn on the light.

_____
It is not done yet, dear myself.
We still have many things to do.

Allahu akbar. 

Polanya memang kadang begitu adanya...

Pekan ini pekan yang harusnya full of research preparation.

Harusnya setelah melakukan one to one evaluation pada hari sabtu, maka pekan setelahnya menjadi hari-hari sibuk menjelang tahapan berikutnya.

tapi apa daya,

tiba-tiba tensi naik, tiba-tiba demam menyerang. tiba-tiba diare datang, tiba-tiba mules menerjang. hampir 2 hari total doing nothing. Berkutat untuk rehat dan mengembalikan energi dan kesehatan.

dimasa itu, tiba-tiba juga ada suruhan untuk menjadi ini dan itu. Hingga ditolak sampai dengan nada ketus karena sedang pusing, demam, pilek dan tensi tinggi. Astagfirullah.

Klo kata mama, memang sering polanya demikian. Klo dah mau ujian, hampir selalu diawali dengan demam dulu. Semoga kebiasaan ini berhenti dan berubah menjadi kebiasaan yang lebih baik.

Tak salah juga memang. Mungkin orang lain mengira saya sedang liburan.

LIBURAAN???

_________
Alhamdulillah, mama, papa dan randa datang ke rumah bawain ramuan mujarab tradisi keluarga " air daun bungo rayo". Plus di kerok in sama mama. Alhamdulillah.

-------------

Dan tak disangka sudah H-2 saja menjelang small group trial stage nya.
Mohon ridho Mu Ya Allah untuk kelancaran dan kesuksesannya. Aammiin YRA

Susahnya berlatih istiqomah... Yuk Bisa Yuk

 Suatu saat, kita pernah berada di puncak semangat untuk sebuah amal kebaikan.

 Suatu ketika kita laksana rahib tangguh yang menghidupkan malam dengan sujud dan tilawah qur'an.

 Suatu masa kita pernah serasa menjadi tentara Badar berani, karena mampu menang jihad melawan hawa nafsu dan maksiat.

Suatu waktu kita bagaikan santri unggulan pondok tahfidz dengan tambahan hafalan yang luar biasa.

Tapi.....

Bagaimana bertahan untuk konsisten dengan segala kebaikan maksimal tersebut.

Sungguh benar yang dikatakan bahwa iman itu naik dan turun.

Walau sang murabbi mengatakan bahwa naik turunnya tersebut seharusnya mengikuti kurva naik.

Naik banyak, turun sedikit, lalu cepat sadar dan kembali. Sehingga kurvanya naik lagi.

Naik banyak, turun sedikit, lalu cepat-cepat nak kembali.

Naik banyak, turun sedikit.

begitu seterusnya.
Sehingga, secara umum kecenderungannya adalah naik meningkat.

________

Tak gampang memang Jho.

Tapi jangan menyerah ya.

Seperti nama group wahtsapp adik-adik di kantor "Yuk bisa Yuk"

Ya, dear myself, Yuk bisa yuk.

Bermohonlah pada Rabbmu, agar Ia tuntun engkau untuk istiqomah dalam amal kebaikan.

Yuk bisa yuk.

________

Dear Jho.

Yuk bisa duduk tenang dan rileks serta fokus mengerjakan ketikan terkait riset,mu.

Duduk saja dulu, lalu perlahan asyik masyuk ke dalam dunia riset mu. Jangan lari lagi. Ia menanti mu untuk menuntaskannya.

Coba istiqomah dulu: duduk, rileks, dan ketiklah.

___________
Ah sudahlah,
Mungkin harus ke Kakiku dulu saja.

Bismillah

Memaksimalkan kesendirian

Fase studi s3 ane sudah memasuki paruh akhir tahun kedua.

Dan ini adalah jadwalnya untuk fieldwork yang dengan kata lain adalah fase untuk long distance marriage lagi dengan jarak Padang - Melbourne.

Start pada 17 September 2024, Ane terbang dari Melbourne menuju Padang. Meninggal kan orang orang ter kasih insya Allah demi jihad ilmu. Menuntaskan perjuangan.

Walau, persiapan fieldwork nya masih dikebut dan dikebut. Dipenuhi rasa was was dan deg deg an. Apakah saya bisa menyelesaikan semua ini?

Supervisor pun mungkin sedang sangat sibuknya.

sehingga sempat slow respon.

Tak biasanya beliau begitu. selama ini selalu fast respond. Menambah dag dia dung.

Tak henti henti AOM menyemangati. Yang nasib nya sendiri pun sedang galau dengan riset proposal nya. Yup ane maklum se maklum maklumnya. seorang Phd Student saat telah melewati tengah tahun pertamanya akan mengalami kegamangan. Pusing mencari gap. Pusing merumuskan riset question dan bergalau ria dengan research paradigm. Research paradigm ??? Barang apa pula itu??

_____________
But overall, syukur alhamdulillah atas segala nikmat yang telah Allah limpahkan.

Nikmat masih bisa menjalani segala dinamika hari-hari ini.

____________
Mumpung sendiri tanpa anak istri di Padang, mari maksimalkan apa yang bisa dimaksimalkan. Walaupun rindu tak mungkin dikalahkan oleh rasa apapun. Mari tetap jalani dan insya Allah seperti biasa, waktu akan menuntaskan segalanya. 

Allah SWT tidak akan menyia-nyiakan hambaNya.
Jadi kita hanya perlu berusaha maksimal dan menjadi hamba Allah yang senantiasa bermohon dan bermunajat kepadaNya.

______________
Beberapa targetan dalam memaksimalkan kesendirian.
Entahlah bisa tercapai atau tidak, tapi yuk tulis dan lakukan saja dulu. Bismillah.
1. Rutin memaksimalkan amalan yaumi.

2. Rutin nambah hafalan qur'an.

3. Rutin jaga pola makan.

4. Rutin olahraga minimal 1 jam setiap hari.

5. Rutin mengerjakan aktivitas terkait riset setiap hari menggunakan teknik podomoro.

---------------

Insya Allah.

Insya Allah. Yes we can.

 Alhamdulillah.

Menikmati-hari-hari dengan penuh kesyukuran.
Menjalaninya dengan keyakinan penuh pada Rahman dan Rahim nya Allah SWT.

Untuk bab itu alhamdulillah saya berazzam untuk tak pernah goyah.

Tapi...
Untuk bab usaha, terkadang sering lalai juga untuk memaksimalkan jiwa petarung.

Akhir-akhir ini, Sering juga berdiam lama jika menghadapi kebuntuan.
Pernah jua menghindar untuk mencari beragam pengalihan.

This is not good ronal. Pull yourself back and "break a leg".
Insya Allah, Yes we can.

A journey of a long battleship

Kadang ada fase bertempur dengan diri.
Ada masa penuh pemaksaan.
Ada jenak waktu perdamaian.

Tak jarang bermanja dengan pembiaran.

Bermain bersama diri hingga berujung pada kemalasan.

Pernah pula, fase-fase heroik

menggebu hingga to the max.

Pernah jua, berada di puncak produktivitas

dan tak jarang juga berada di titik nadir kenihilan progress.

Kadang kami bermesraan hingga semua tunai purna tuntas.

Penuh aura positif dan keharmonisan.

Namun apa pun itu...

Alhamdulillah.

This is my progress.

My lovely journey.

And I still in the progress of being better insya Allah.

Aamiin YRA

Bit by Bit

I continue to strive against my procrastination, giving my best effort. Alhamdulillah, sometimes I make progress, but at other times, I find myself stuck in thought.

Recently, however, I've adopted a philosophy inspired by observing my young son eating rice. He eats slowly, and when I urge him, "Rasyid, finish your rice!" he responds, "Ya, Bi. Ada adek makan kok." Remarkably, he eventually finishes. We call his approach to eating "bit by bit. sebiji demi sebiji". Despite its slow pace, he ultimately completes his meal.

This "bit by bit" approach prompted me to reflect on advice often given by my supervisor about progress. The emphasis is on moving forward, not waiting for perfection. Simply create a draft and refine it later. I realise that, in the process, we need Progress, not perfection, this is the key for me.

Therefore, I've learned to value any progress I've made. Though witnessing others' successes in achieving their goals can sometimes evoke feelings of insecurity, I remind myself that this mindset contradicts both my usual approach and the teachings of tarbiyah.

Tarbiyah teaches me to observe and reflect on others' struggles. It's essential not only to focus on success but also to take time to acknowledge those facing numerous challenges and difficulties in their lives. Reflecting on this, I feel deeply grateful to Allah. Alhamdulillah.

---

A story from the library last night: Unintentionally, I sat across from a man who appeared Chinese, unaware that he was Indonesian until he answered a phone call in Bahasa Indonesia. He confided to the person on the other end about feeling stressed with his job. From what he shared, it seemed he was only involved in planting crops, likely working on a farm judging by his attire. 'Kamu tahu nggak, aku sedang stress nih dengan kerjaan. Sedikit stress sih, kerjaan ku itu nggak berat, hanya menanam-nanam gitu kan.....' Begitulah kurang lebih yang kudengar.

The reason I share this eavesdropped encounter is to remind myself never to compare my work with others'. It might seem easier for him, just tending to plants without the complexities of research, designing, writing, proposal revising and other 'thinking' responsibilities. However, we never truly understand someone else's situation.

So, it's crucial to be grateful for what you have and to continually strive to make progress, regardless of the circumstances.

Fighting with myself

Believe it or not, these days I feel that i should fight with myself.

Because it seems that lazyness has occupied my mind. 

yeah, I can blame other things or make excuses for it. But, i realise that it is me, my self that cannot organise my time well.

_____
Honestly, I am currently at the stage of struggling with my research planning and progress.

I have two supervisors that are very nice and full of encouragement. I am feel sorry for them, because my progress is still left behind. They are always kindly support me to deal with everything.
_____

Now, the time is limited. And many things to be done.

Bismillah...

No more "I will do it later"
No more too much thinking and thinking and thinking.

just write it done now, right now.

:D :D :D

I can do it. insya Allah.
______
Dear Allah, please help me to deal with these all.
I beg you for the whole of my life.
______

And of course, I have a very happy life here, with my lovely wife and sons. 
Don't know what to do if they are not here :D

Thank you :D

Notable Moments, Syukur Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah, it's been nearly two months since my family joined me here in Melbourne, specifically on November 14, 2023. Uda Aqsho has been attending NPPS and TPA Madania for about a month now. Alhamdulillah, we've achieved a lot, and all credit goes to Allah. I'm truly grateful for everything. We've faced various challenges together, and remarkably, we've managed to navigate them with joy

Some notable moments that I want to capture in this post are:

1. Adek Rasyid has started his preparatory school session at NPPS.

Actually, the school was supposed to begin for him next year, and we initially planned to enroll him closer to the commencement date. However, Allah guided us to expedite the process. His ways are always unpredictable. During a family gathering event, some friends discussed children and their schooling with Ummi. They suggested that we should start enrolling Rasyid early because schools sometimes have limited seats. At that time, I had intended to postpone it until I finished my revision (which seems to be an endless revision cycle :D), but Ummi was eager to do it as soon as possible. So, we went to the school with the required documents (which I had prepared following Uda Aqsho's documents).

Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar! The day we went to the school happened to be the last week before the "once a week" session started. Allahu Akbar. It turns out there are four sessions that parents and children who will join the preparatory school next year should attend. Alhamdulillah, we were able to be a part of it. Fortunately, Allah provided guidance through Ummi's friends. Thank you, Allah, and thank you to those kind-hearted people.

The enrollment process has been very easy and straightforward, Alhamdulillah.

2. Ummi has finally managed to secure a Letter of Acceptance (LOA) from Monash University and a scholarship from LPDP. 

This is a truly joyful moment after a long and challenging journey. Securing the LOA and scholarship is crucial for our family, as without these two things, we wouldn't know what to do. Honestly, up until now, we still don't have any other options. We literally don't know how Ummi would stay here in Melbourne without the scholarship and LOA.

Syukur Alhamdulillah. Thank you to everybody who has contributed to this achievement. May Allah reward you abundantly. Ameen YRA

3. Uda Aqsha was recognized as the best student for year 2 in this period.

One day this week, I picked up Uda Aqsha as usual. He approached me with his prestigious smile and showed me a card in his hand. The home-teacher had written appreciative words about Aqsha, highlighting his responsibility and hard work in completing all of his school assignments. I commended him for it and created an Instagram reel to document his reaction. Then, unexpectedly, Ummi connected with another Indonesian parent at NPPS who conveyed congratulations through WhatsApp. She mentioned that Aqsha was chosen as the best student for this period. Typically, there is an evaluation for each period, and the best students from each class are announced and recognized during the joint student meeting in the school hall.

Masha Allah, thank you, my diligent boy. I am reminded of the time when discussing school was a forbidden topic, even back in Indonesia because he didn't want to attend school in Melbourne. The period before starting school was a challenging and worrisome time for our family. On one hand, I felt compassion for Aqsha, who was about to face an unfamiliar school environment with limited English proficiency. However, Allah paved the way for His blessings. Since the first day, Aqsho has consistently gone to and from school with enthusiasm. Alhamdulillah.

Oh, there's a secret of Allah's love behind this achievement. Before this, Uda Aqsha participated in a class meeting activity at his school. He had put in effort but hadn't won yet. At home, Ummi said he was very sad, even to the point of tears, wondering why he never won any competitions. This was the case back when he was at Adzkia too, despite his sincere efforts. We comforted him, and it turns out Allah comforted him with this achievement. Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar.

And there's more to share; I will update you in future posts, insha Allah.

========================

Now, please keep me in your prayers as I strive to excel in my revision. The deadline is approaching."

Roda Padati

"It is always challenging."

"Yes, life is often like that. Perhaps not for everyone."

"Joys and happiness,"

"Sadness and overwhelming emotions,"

"Enthusiasm and strength,"

"Uninspired and laziness,"

"All of these will come and go in countless cycles." Like a roda padati yang sedang berputar

"What makes it different for one person from another is how they deal with it."

"As for me, I have failed many times in managing it well."

"I don't know the exact or better way to deal with it."

"I always try to keep going and to accept myself. I feel very sad after making a mistake in handling these emotions because it also affects the people around me."

pull your self together, Jho

Yes the tittle is a phrase used by people to express that one have to concentrate himself to refocus and keep calm on doing the progress. (For the exact meaning just googling it or ask chatGPT).

The first week of october about to end, and I still make a very slow progress. I need to uplift my motivation and push myself to start and consistently doing the writing. 

Alhamdulillah it is chapter 3 now, but the previous two chapters are not final yet. Many parts of it need to be revised, adjusted or even replaced with a more proper writing.

I have to fight my feeling of laziness. And the best way to do it is by start typing the first sentence. And Bismillah. I will do it now.

..........

Story of the "lovely" Before-Supervisory meeting 8

  Alhamdulillah, the 8th meeting went well. As usual, I had a hard time before the D-Day. As I mentioned on my social media, I even spent 3 days and 2 nights on campus. No, it's not because I didn't prepare earlier. I made sure to start preparing early for this meeting. But preparing a PhD research proposal in this academic atmosphere is not easy.

Despite the struggle, Allah always exists and always helps me,

Dear Uda, Adek, and my prospective heirs.
Never let Allah go from your life's journey. Always hold on to Him. Trust me.

In the past few days, I have been facing many challenges. I've been experiencing headaches with the combank app, which I can't access. I tried calling the provided hotline and even went to the branch, but it still doesn't work. I am unable to access what I need on the app.

I planned to transfer money for BUPA OSHC two days before the deadline. In the middle of the night, I tried to make the payment, but something unexpected happened. The bill payment website stated that there is a limitation on transferring the money and I needed to upgrade the limit. I'm not sure yet if I should upgrade it in my bank app or contact the web admin of the bill. If it's the former, then I still have trouble accessing it.

Today is the deadline, and after this day, the payment amount will increase. I can't imagine what I would do if that happens. Where would I find more money to cover the bill? If I have to go to the bank branch and the insurance office, it will reduce my time to prepare for the afternoon meeting. I was extremely frustrated last night, but I kept my spirits up. I took a deep breath and tried again to solve the app issue by following the steps given on the bank website. By the decree of Allah, it worked. Allahu akbar! I don't know why, but I had tried implementing the exact same steps several times this week and it didn't work. But suddenly, in the middle of the night, when I didn't know what to do, I put my full faith in Allah, and a miracle happened. Now I can access the app.

However, the problem is not yet resolved. I sent an email to the insurance campus representative. I know it was impolite to send an email in the middle of the night, but I wanted to make sure the admin would see my email and provide advice regarding the payment issue. Interestingly, the admin replied to my email in the morning and said that I could simply split the amount of money stated on the bill to match the transfer limit. Alhamdulillah, it was solved, and I managed to transfer the money. I am grateful that I will not have to pay the increased update fee.

Then... suddenly, my landlord came to the house. Finally, I could tell him about my plan to leave the house at the end of next month. I was a bit confused about how to properly communicate it to him. But Allah made a way for me, and he seemed to be okay with it and even gave me some advice on finding a new unit for my family. He's a good landlord. Thank you, Allah.

Then... the only problem remaining on my mind this morning was the preparation for the supervisory meeting. I still needed to revise the first chapter, but I didn't have enough time. Alhamdulillah, I managed to revise the important parts.

And tadaaa! The meeting went well. The supervisor helped me a lot. Of course, there are many revisions required, and some of the feedback will surely take up most of my time. But I enjoyed today's meeting, Alhamdulillah. Allah helped me again, and the one-hour meeting is now over.

Oh yes, I also managed to inform my supervisor about my plan to return to Indonesia next August to bring my family to Melbourne. Surprisingly, both supervisors were okay with it and had no concerns. Their only concern is about my proposal, so as long as the meeting and progress continue as usual, "We can still have the meeting online, only the time and location will be different," she said.

Alhamdulillah.

Now it depends on the visa and also the money (and the house, of course).

Bismillah.

No matter what, I must find a unit for August 2023. Insha Allah.

Please help me, O Lord.

health, thesis, preparation for the family coming

 Okay,

I am truly grateful for my accomplishments, although I recognize that there are still many aspects that need improvement. I am currently struggling to maintain my focus on achieving my writing goals, but it is much better than the previous week.

I have discovered a better approach to reading and writing, but I require more intrinsic motivation to increase my writing speed. I believe I can successfully complete it. 

Over the past two days, my mind has been preoccupied with finding ways to establish healthier habits that align with the routine of a PhD student, as well as my daily religious practices. Additionally, I am facing challenges in managing my time for other thesis-related tasks, such as preparing to bring my family from Indonesia to Melbourne.

Ah... contemplating these matters—health, thesis, and the preparations to bring my family to Australia—gives me headaches and mood swings. Nevertheless, at this stage, I have chosen to prioritize my thesis. By making significant progress on it, I believe I can improve in other areas as well. Insha Allah.

Each PhD STudents has unique journey

 Yesterday, one of my friends told me not to worry too much about other people's achievements or progress. Each of us has our own journey, which is meant to be unique and different from others. While we can use others' progress as a reference or benchmark, we shouldn't let it bring us down or make us feel left behind.

Recently, my fellow PhD students at Deakin also gave me advice on not getting burdened by comparing my own progress to that of others. This discussion arose when I felt slightly disturbed by some of my PhD colleagues who seemed to have more free time for conversations and other activities, creating a higher level of noise in our usually quiet office. They would chat about various topics and engage in leisurely conversations, making me wonder, "When are they finding the time to work on their colloquium document? Am I the only new student struggling to write my proposal, with limited time before the approaching deadline? Am I lacking intelligence, resulting in my time being consumed entirely by proposal-related tasks?"

However, as my friends reassured me, this may simply be because those colleagues are still newcomers. They encouraged me to reflect on my own first month, and upon doing so, I realized that it was indeed a more relaxed period.

In conclusion, it is important to recognize that each PhD student embarks on a unique journey that differs from one another. While the specifics may vary, we all encounter common experiences such as challenges, struggles, obstacles, mood swings, pain, and hardships.

However, amidst these shared difficulties, there is also a common thread of support, guidance, help, and love that prevails. These elements often manifest unexpectedly, serving as a light that comes from various directions. One thing is certain: this support and encouragement come from our beloved families, friends, and countless kind-hearted individuals out there. They play a vital role in our journey, offering their unwavering assistance and contributing to our growth and success.

Indeed, it is essential to acknowledge that in all of this, Allah the Almighty is the ultimate force behind our journey. His guidance, blessings, and mercy are what shape our paths and provide us with the strength to face the challenges and overcome the obstacles we encounter along the way.

okay. keep practice ronal

 I have a 7,5 for my IELTS score. I guess I got it 3 times.

Alhamdulillah.

But.... However.... nevertheless.... unfortunately.

I am still struggling with using English, especially for speaking and writing. 

Sometimes, I feel very insecure with other people around me. They are not native, but their English is so fluent. 

But yeah, when I manage to be here, in Melbourne, that means Allah Allows me to give my best effort to improve my English.

But the problem for an introverted person like me is although there is plenty of opportunity to practice speaking here, I rarely use it. I tend to be quiet and just busy with myself. The PhD by research means your circle will only be you and your supervisor; that's it. Actually, yeah, there are PhD group discussions, PhD students catch-up, workshop, dinner, and other leisure activity that will provide interaction among the PhD fellow. Still, none of them are mandatory for you. So, you can choose to attend and mingle with others or not. And you know me, right.. hehe. What will I choose?

Okeh.

I will write more in this blog. To practice my English. Hopefully, it is one way I can improve my active English.

O yaaa. You know, even right now, I draft this post in Grammarly. :D

yes. I do believe that all of this is the best from Allah.

 Yeah, since the list of LN university for BPI was announced, hari-hari semakin terasa berat. Apalagi tanggal batas akhir pendaftaran lebih awal dari jadwal tes ielts yang coba kami daftar.

walau begitu, Alhamdulillah, kami sudah yakin benar bahwa ini yang terbaik dan akan ada saja jalannya Allah berikan.

Benar, saya tidak meragukan itu. sekali-kali tidak.

_____

Tapi, sebagai manusia lemmah dan biasa, saya sangat sedih dan lemas. Sedih karena jalan juang kembali sedikit berkabut. jalan juang kembali penuh dengan pendar-pendar cahaya silau sehingga belum jelas mau bagaimana. Hanya satu yang sudah jelas dan pasti, bahwa kami tetap harus Berjuang.

Lemas karena jalan yang dikira sudah lurus, harus berbelok-belok kembali. 

_____

ditambah dengan kenyataan yang tak sesuai dengan harapan. setelah dua kali berturut-turut mendapat pujian dari supervisor, saya akhirnya beranikan diri mencari "aktivitas", saya kabar kan pada teman dekat. ALhamdulillah mereka mendukung dan dengan penuh semangat memberikan support. dihari itu juga saya dihubungkan dengan koneksi yang dipunya. bertemu dengan saudara baru yang sangat baik dan berkenan berbagi tips dan cerita. Tapi apa daya, "aktivitas" ini tak menerima students deakin lagi karena satu dan lain hal.

dugh.... ujian hidup memang beragam bentuk dan macamnya.

dan pekan ini bergelayut sendu.

_____

Saya yakin sedih bukanlah dosa.

Maka dengan sabak kesedihan ini, saya bermohon kekuatan dan petunjuk cahaya terang dari Mu ya Rahman. 

_____
Allah itu selalu dan pasti Maha Adil.

contohnya di pekan ini semua bergantian silih berganti.

• Berkecamuk deadline hingga lost idea what to do hingga telat submit revisi.
• Galau dan deg deg an di diamkan oleh supervisor tak seperti biasanya.
• Beranikan diri dan pasrah ke ruangannya, alhamdulillah lancar dan mendapat respon positif untuk kali kedua.
• sedih mendapat kabar deakin pendidikan tak masuk lagi di list bpi lptk maupun pta.
  
• sedih ternyata jadwal batas akhir daftar bpi ln nya tutup lebih awal
• semangat nyari "aktivitas" dan dapat kemungkinan yang sangat pas dan ada teman-temannya.
• ditolak ndak bisa ikut "aktivitas" padahal ada lowongan namun terkait kebijakan kampusnya
• alhamdulillah gembira kumpul halal bihalal bersilaturrahim dengan kawan juang sesama phd deakin dan keluarganya. bertemu dan berbagi kabar-kabar hangat. Membuat semangat penuh kembali. mereka punya lika liku panjang perjuangan masing-masing.

sungguh memang sedih dan gembira dipergilirkan, dan nikmati saja sekedarnya. karena Allah tahu yang terbaik untuk kita.

___

maaf sayang, jika mood abi saat telponan juga naik dan turun.
apa lagi juga aura disana gelap dan suram.

Ramadhan Kariim 1444H Di tanah Melbourne

 Alhamdulillah bisa merasakan bulan Ramadhan tahun ini. dan tidak terasa sudah masuk ke 10 malam terakhir. Ibadah masih terasa kurang. 

Ya Rabb izinkan hamba untuk dapat memaksimalkan ibadah di bulanMu yang mulia ini. Aamiinn YRA.

Sepertinya sudah mulai trend pula bahwa ramadhan tetap penuh dengan pekerjaan dan dedline-dedline. 

Entahlah dont know what to do. Should I ignore the deadline? 

Tapi tak semudah itu.

Dan akhirnya aku berdamai dengan keadaanku.

Pekerjaan dan deadline-deadline yang ada ini adalah dalam rangka beribadah padaMu ya Allah.

Karena memang ini semua harus dikerjakan dan waktunya pun berhimpitan.

Semoga Engkau ridhoi dan berkahi. Aamiin YRA.

Insya Allah aku sudah mendaftar untuk I'tikaf pekan ini, semoga dapat agak beberapa hari. AAMiiin.

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Tahun 2013 lalu berpuasa di benua eropa saat musim panas. Tahun ini alhamdulillah berpuasa di benua Australia di musim gugur. 

Beda-beda sensasinya.

Hal yang sangat disyukuri ditahun ini adalah adanya masjid kampus dan juga jadwal kuliah yang begitu fleksibel untuk PhD students. Akibatnya selalu dapat melaksanakan sholat jumat di masjid yang mana dahulu ketika di eropa masih ada bolong nya karena keadaan, jadwal, waktu, dan tempat yang tidak mengizinkan.

Saat ini pun yang membuat bahagia adalah bisa kapan saja melarikan diri ke masjid kampus jika sudah lelah dengan ramainya dunia.
Bisa menikmati toilet bersimbah air, yang merupakan nikmat tiada terkira. Bisa berwudhu tanpa rasa was-was dan sembunyi-sembunyi dan mengangkat kaki ke westafel, sebab di masjid kampus disediakan tempat berwudhu yang sangat proper.

Ya.... setiap masa dan keadaan ada kelebihan dan kekuranganyya. ada hikmah nya sendiri-sendiri.

dan aku mensyukuri semua itu. Alhamdulillah.

Istimewa ramadhan tahun ini juga adalah karena saya dan anak istri terpisah jarak dan waktu. Acapkali kami harus melakukan silent Video call. karena jam di melbourne sudah menunjukkan pukul 00.00 sedangkan anak2 ada pada jam paling aktifnya sebelum tidur. sehingga videcall dengan semangat.

Ya Allah, semoga RedhoMU membawa kami segera berkumpul kembali bersama-sama di Melbourne ini. AAMiiin YRA,.

Menjauh dari melonisme

Berjauhan dalam usia pernikahan yang sebentar lagi genap 8 tahun memiliki tantangan nya sendiri. Ketika rindu berat, bisa membuat seharian menggalau dan tidak produktif, kerjaan hanya melihat-lihat foto lama, menelpon, video call dan melihat tulisan-tulisan dan menelpon lagi dan video call lagi.

Tentu bukan itu yang Allah mau untuk dilakukan.

Tapi sebagai manusia bisa kadang terseok-seok juga jika badai rindu berat ini melanda. Apalagi ketika tugas yang diberikan supervisor masih belum terkerjakan, bukan-bukan karena malas... tapi karena memang belum tahu mau memulainya dari mana. Pusing dan sungguh pusing.

Ya Allah, berikanlah petunjukMu pada hamba. aamiin YRA.

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Alhamdulillah beberapa hari belakangan Angel sudah aktif kembali menulis. Sehingga jadi nambah satu aktifitas lagi sebagai variasi menutupi rindu ya, baca tulisan Angel di blog.

Keep the spirit up ya my darling. 

Love you.

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Maka sedapat mungkin aku menjauh dari melonisme. AKu membiasakan diri untuk olahraga jalan kaki minimal 1 jam sehari. (Karena klo ngeGYM ga ada duit dan susah komunikasi dengan orang). maka yang paling nyaman adalah jalan kaki.

Selain itu aku juga membiasakan diri untuk menyibukkan diri sampai semalam malam hari, sehingga klo sampai di kost an tinggal tidur karena kelelahan.

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SEMANGAAAAAAT.

Merasakan bad mood for the first time in Melbourne

Alhamdulillah, sudah memasuki weekend ke 4. purna satu bulan insya Allah.

Dan sejauh ini berusaha maksimal untuk menikmati kehidupan di Melbourne ini.

tapi setelah dipikir-pikir, semangat untuk eksplorasi medan tak semenggebu-gebu ketika sedang master di eropa dahulu.

Aku mencukupkan diri dengan berjalan kaki mengitari lingkungan sekitar, dan thats it. Padahal Australia ini begitu luas dan lapang. 

Kadang, lihat story sesama awardee yang telah menapaki sana sini dimasa awal studynya, menikmati alam dan lingkungan serta bervakansi sana-sini, walau kutahu pasti, kenyataan di sosmed kadang tak seindah kenyataannya. Duit beasiswa yang belum cair, ada rumah yang belum settle belum lagi tugas dari supervisor... alamak, you have to feel it by your self.

Tapi.... setelah ku merenung, ternyata benar memang, semangat eksplorasi ku telah memudar, karena yang ada dipikiran hanyalah bagaimana untuk dapat berkumpul kembali dengan belahan jiwa yang cantik dan ganteng-ganteng. I miss them so much.

Aku mencukupkan diri dengan menikmati telponan dan video call dengan mereka, dan menonton rekaman video call kami serta video-video lawas, sampai jadwal telponan atau VC an berikutnya.

Kadang sempat kecewa juga mengapa diwaktu prime untuk VC an mereka not availble, sedangkan saat mereka mau VC an ditempat sata sudah tengah malam. dan tentangga bule mewanti2 untuk menjaga ketenangan...

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dan finallym, aku merasakan badmood hari ini.
Entahlah karena apa... ada energi negatif saja yang mengalir sepertinya.

Sudah mulai jenuh pula mungkin ya.

Ingin rasanya tinggal di studio, sehingga bebas berekspresi dan ngapain saja.

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tapi tetap disini setidaknya melatih speaking ku. Hanya di kost an ini kemungkinan terbesar ada orang yang mengajak ku ngobrol, minimal ketika berselisih di dapur atau di depan kamar. Ga mungkin bersirobok, lalu diam saja kan ya.

Itu lah yang saya syukuri.
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Bad mood kali ini mungkin juga dengan beban pikiran yang sudah mulai berat dan bertambah. yang awalnya masih ringan, sudah mulai penuh dengan pikiran tentang riset dan tagihan yang harus diserahkan dua pekan lagi. 

Dalam rencana, hari ini saya akan ke perpus dan mulai mnegetik. tapi buktinya, sampai menjelang maghrib ini belum ada juga terketik satu kalimat pun terkait tugas dari pembimbing.

Apalagi memikirkan pengalaman dari dua workshop terahir yang kuikuti secara online, saya bisa mengikutinya dengan baik, namun bagian tersulit adalah bagian breakout zoom, dimana kami diminta berdiskusi dan sharing. aarrgggggghhhhhhhh kelompoknya kecil pulak, andaikan dalam bahasa Indoneisa, mungkin aku akan enjoy menikmatinya, tapi ini dalam bahasa inggrisssss, sangat-sangat membuat deg deg an.
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menyadari kekurangku dalam speaking, aku beranikan diri untuk mendaftar salah satu kegiatan organisasi mahasiswa, ini juga saran dari pembimbing dan juga dari pemateri saat orientasi, making connection, enjoy your university time by making friends and minggle with others.

YUps, alhamdulillah, saat galau scrolll IG nemu psotingan dari anak Rohis deakin. ada program qur'an weekly dari ISDU, setiap rabu pagi di mushalla deakin. Bismillah, kuberanikan daftar.

Paling tidak nanti bisa terpaksa ngomong bahasa inggriss dengan orang lain.

Dan semoga bisa menjadi lebih dekat dengan Al Qur'an.

Bismillah

Pernak Pernik Padang-Jakarta-Sydney-Melbourne #PhDJourney #PhDLife (Part 1)

13 February 2023

Padang - Jakarta dan air mata yang tertahan

Ini adalah judul yang tepat.

Banyak hal yang belum bisa dilakukan dengan sempurna layaknya perpisahan epik di depan pintu bandara. sampai-sampai ane tak sempat ambil foto hanya berempat, tak sempat berfoto kece berdua. Tak sempat foto berdua dengan hamdi. (walau kami banyak berfoto sih, tapi hanya random dan beramai-ramai saja) apatah lagi membuat foto ala-ala yang bisa diedit dan modif sehingga seperti photo viral di tiktok dan IG. Harusnya juga ada foto berkonsep ini dan itu... Tapi apalah daya. seorang overthinking dan creamy yummy penuh keringat ini. apalagi sedang nyantai keluar lagi setelah check in, mendengar panggilan toa menyebutkan Kode penerbangan ane diminta segera bla bla. Buru buru masuk lagi deh. Padahal ternyat baru disuruh masuk ruang tunggu bandara.

Payah diri ini menahan air mata. sejenak semrawut pikiran tentang lautan luas kehidupan esok sirna dari kepala. Hanya dipenuhi melankolis bayangan rindu dan melankolis tentang Angel, aqsho, rasyid. Dahulu saat ke belanda juga demikian. tapi entah kenapa sekarang sangat-sangat lah berat rasanya, berkali-kali lipat. Mungkin karena mereka adalah bagian jiwa ku yang tak terpisahkan. Rasa sebagian tubuh ku yang badagok (gemuk kata mi band7- red) ini berubah menjadi ruang kosong nan hampa. Itu juga mungkin mengapa saat proses timbang kemaren berat ku mencapai 79 koma an. saking tak percaya nya maka saya menimbang sampai 3 kali. dan sepertinya timbangan tersebut juga galau. ketiga hasilnya berbeda. 79 koma ada 2 buah dan 80 koma ada satu buah. Biasanya sih 83 an ke atas.

okeh....
Karena overthinking ttg bagasi saat check in jadi lupa minta posisi faforit dekat jendela, Hingga pas penerbangan ini dapatnya di posisi tengah. untung diapit oleh dua bapak2 parah baya. Satu pak aji yang tertidur. Satu lagi bapak-bapak bermasker yang tak banyak kata. I like it so much. Kita hanya berbagi senyum sesaat dan ane kembali khusuk dalam penahanan air mata.

Nyampe Soetta, walau diterpa rindu perpisahan, ane si logis substantif dan berpikir jauh kedepan (saking jauh nya jadi  gimana gituuuu), harus fokus mencari dimana lah letak terminal keberangkatan internasional. Tanda yang ada hanya menunjukkan pada terminal keberangkatan domestik.. degh.... mulai lah pusing. bolak balik satu ketukan, beranikan diri bertanya pada cs. dia bilang dilantai 2 pak naik lift ini.

nah si mas nya nunjuk ke lift yang jelas-jelas tertulis disana lantai 2 menuju keberangkatan domestik. Aku si logis, dan berpegang pada hal yang terpampang jelas, mulai ragu.. Jelas-jelas itu tulisan nya domestik, yang saya tanya internasional....... baa lah apak cs ko ko. Itu yang ada dalam pikiran ane. 

Ane pun tak langsung naik lift, masih berutar dulu satu ketukan lagi mencari-cari penanda untuk "keberangkatan internasional". Dari sudut jiwa ini ada yang berbisik. "Hi ronal coba kamu ikuti saja saran seorang keturunan nabi adam tadi. Dia adalah mahluk hidup yang telah bekerja disini sehingga pasti tahu kondisi lapangan ini dibanding dengan Mahluk mati yang berupa tulisan "Lt 2 keberangkatan domestik".

Oke lah. Bismilah. 
antri lah daku di depan lift tsb dengan troli berisi dua koper, satu 29 inchi dan satunya koper 20 inchi.plus ransel. Dan setelah sampai di lt 2, ku mantapkan kaki untuk menemui petugas berseragam yang bukan CS. dan kutanya padanya, ehternyata iya, Kebernagkatan Internasional juga di lantai 2, tapi sono an dikit. 

Alamaaak. Ampun kan Baim Ya Alloh.
Maafkan ane ya MAs CS, sempat meragukanmu.

Pelajarannya adalah "kadang berhenti sebentar dengan logika logis mu, banyak hal luar biasa diluar itu".

Kembali aku beristigfar dan tersadar, mungkin aku terlalu larut, sehingga lupa, bukan kah Alloh yang meluluskan ku di program ini. Bukankah Ia pula yang membuatku berangkat hari ini. Maka mengapa aku begitu pusing dengan pikiran-pikiran jauh yang melelahkan.

Maka saat itu aku mulai menerima kondisi dan menyunggingkan senyum dibibirku. ku ucap nama Rabb ku dan ku langkahkan kaki mencari dimana konter check in Qantas berada. Suasana ramai, kermaian yang membuatku iri. ya, ada yang sepuh, ada yang muda, ada anak-anak, ada remaja, berseragam batik beraneka corak... Rombongan jamaah umrah. Impian ku yang insya Allah akan ku kejar. bismillah, semoga tahun ini atau besok Allah beri jalan untuk umrah bareng mama. Aamiiin YRA.

dan tarrraaa.... check in dah gua. kali ini karena pikiran sudah jernih, maka langsung memainkan permintaan untuk duduk di dekat jendela. yuhuuu... berhasil. 

JAKARTA SYDNEY
>>>>>>>>> next post insya Allah